Zwölf, Elf, Zehn

Today is the day, December Eleventh, 2010. Rammstein's first concert on US soil in 9 years. I'm really hurting that I can't go. While it may be a temporary sentiment (unlikely), work is a ridiculous alternative to attending a seminal show. I won't be able to stop thinking about it.

Twelve Eleven 'Ten. Today at work I'll be anxiously watching the clock, trying to figure out what I could have been doing instead. Waiting in line, getting lost on my way from the airport, freezing under the magnificent fire display, and singing myself hoarse to the industrial tones.

I really hope this ends out being worth it. The issue is that no one at my place of work really likes or even understands the appeal of Rammstein. My obsession, my fandom, is dismissed as fancy and childishness. One of my few calming thoughts going through this day is knowing that in the "Many Worlds" interpretation of quantum theory, there is a reality where I have indeed gone to the show, maybe even been pulled on stage. Of course, by that logic, there is a universe where I'm not even a fan, hell, not even alive. It's a conundrum. I'll just keep at the issue at hand.

Rock On Rammstein!

-The0

False Alarm

The previous post should be disregarded! Everything is fine, nothing is ruined!

Even so, I am off to go shopping with Dr. Girlfriend, to buy her gifts to celebrate this near miss!

I'll explain it all, pending permission!

-The0

Kind of Numb

I have chosen to be very vague, very short, and very cryptic in this post. Something has gone wrong, and Dr. Girlfriend and I may lose something very dear to us. In the panic, planning, and general shock of it all, I overslept. When asked, I explained what was happening to my boss, and that came off as blaming my failures on the situation. It's not a pretty picture right now.

Goddamnit.

-The0

Like a Titan

So the place of employment has me in a weird place. I realize the high risk in saying this, but we just had a huge layoff spree, and I somehow made the cut to remain employed. So now, on top of those people gone, we have HUGE projects coming up. Our alloted hours in the day are easily exceeded by the amount of work we have piling up.

This place might be like this one ship I read about. It was big, made of steel, and hadd a bunch of movies made about it.

Poseidon protect me, I'm going to need you, I think.

Sea-Sick of Metaphors,

-The0

111110

Today is November 11th. Another binary date, 62 is the base-10 equivalent of this date. I don't really have anything too terribly relevant or impressive to report.

I'll mention something that did happen though. I was at Korenav's birthday LAN party having a moderate blast when a touch of damage came to my computer. A chair got kicked, a dongle was in the way and suddenly, BAM. Tiny blue sparks and a busted USB port. I was advised to get the fucker disconnected from the motherboard as soon as possible, and i spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how to replace the piece.

We were able to find a couple of part that semi fit and would connect, but in the end, I simply decided to order a new part from the manufacturer. It got here just fine, and was a little tricky to install, but here's the thing. The top USB port works fine, and the bottom one almost works. Power flows, and I guess like 3 out of 4 pins are connected, but USB devices will not connect. I think the motherboard actually got slightly damaged in that event. It'll have to be replaced eventually, but the theory is that since I actually registered the product, I may be able to get a free replacement. Yay.

Oh well. I had eight USB port, and now I have seven. Eight is enough, that's why they made a show called that. I'm tired. Signing out.

-The0

Halloween

There's something about this holiday which makes it very special to me. I can't quite put my finger on it, but this holiday has a certain sentimentality rivaled only by Christmas. It went from when I was a kid dressed in a costume my mom made me wear, to the awkward teenage years stuck in a military academy with no trick-or-treating. It continued onto the renaissance of the Halloween house party in college, and now the drunk-fest and costume contests of bars and friend's houses. Why is it that I love this holiday so much?

I suppose it really just boils down to the festivities of it all, and really expressing yourself. You get to create a kick-ass party or decorate your home, but you don't have to make it a special holiday thing. Thanksgiving is for family, Christmas (or equivalent) is for everyone you care about. But Halloween is for fun. It's id satisfaction. Drink up, get crazy on sugary treats, and throw on some music, everyone else is. How very secular.

But there is also the darker tone to the holiday. This is the one day of the year goth kids are happy, it seems. Demons, devils, zombies and monsters. All sorts of abominations come and take this stage at this point of the year, and this makes me very happy, actually. A deep-seated brooding monster blights us all, I think. I feel like this is a special time to go ahead and open the bottle from my teenage years, and let said monster out for a little while.

This year, I'm making my most elaborate costume ever. It will probably be gotten by a maximum of 5 people attending Dr. Girlfriend's Halloween Party, but it's something I may be able to use again for conventions or something. Steam-punk Dr. Horrible, complete with Chronocryonic Blaster (Freeze-Ray.)

This is going to be AWESOME!

-The0

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!

Well, it's finally here. The St. Louis Zombie Walk, 2010. Months of planning, huge amounts of effort on multiple great people all come down to the wire tonight. To all the Patients and CEDA Officers who are helping tonight, and to my lovely Dr. Girlfriend who has helped to put this whole thing together, Thank You!

The trepidation I feel right now is nothing like I've had before. It's not like stage fright, where you're afraid you'll mess something up. It's not like stunt anxiety, where the risk of personal harm is a factor. This is a flash event. There is no real guarantee of attendance, and it may be that me, Dr. Girlfriend, and a handful of other will be the only ones in attendance to this entire event. All the effort will have been wasted, and we'll look like a handful of fools just shuffling around being zombies.

Facebook was the only real tool we used for this whole project. It may have spread through word of mouth after that, but seriously, I have no idea how awesome or dismal this is going to be. One can only hope, really.

Positive attitude. BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!

-The0

I Have Too Small a Plate

Or I have simply piled too much onto it. That's a horrifying way to live a life. Always worrying that you're letting one of many projects fall to the far wayside. I fear I have bitten off way more than I can chew. I have a HUGE idea for a baddass Halloween costume, one which very few people will get. The Zombie Walk is quickly approaching Day Zero, and pre-registration was an utter failure, so I'm worried that it my go belly up altogether. My birthday is approaching, and I was hoping of hosting a LAN party, but I have little to no prep work done for that. All the while, I fall further behind in my blogging. That's what I stress over when I'm not at work. Mediocre Shit.

At least my relationship seems to be doing alright,

-The0

Like, WAAAY Too Thin

This is going to be quick and dirty, which will explain why everything is short and filthy. My place of employment has a set number of people doing tasks. Recently, my favorite manager found a new, better job in a faraway state, one of my co-workers, key in his ability to help pick up missed slack was flat-out fired, and a last coworker saw these signs and jumped ship. We are at skeleton crew numbers here, and that skeleton is missing an arm. There is a lot of stress and an excess of work on the horizon. I'm spread thin. I'm fucked.

But on the plus side, I work hourly.

-The0

Happy 42

October Tenth, 2010. 10/10/'10. Why is this important? 101010 is 42 in binary, and we won't have another one of these in 100 years, technically 1000. 42 of course is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Douglas Adams fans rejoice as we come another cosmic step closer to the ultimate question.

Dré came into town today, and the entire college troupe is quite happy to have her here. I've already started drinking in celebration. She only gets out of her current country once or twice a year, so the fact that she's laying aside an entire bi-week to see us is really awesome. She is among the most influential women in my life. The top woman in that list is my lovely Dr. Girlfriend. They're going to have fun together, I hope. It's promising to be a great birthday month. Speaking of birthdays.

So I take my truck in to get new tires, as the other ones didn't have a 1/16th of an inch left to them. I also decided that I'm finally going to get my alignment fixed from when I had to replace the starter, about 3 weeks ago. I get a call later, the tires have been fixed, but my front end had decayed in such a way that a steering arm was liable to snap at any moment, which could cause a nasty accident, like an "I'm upside-down and I don't know how I got that way" type of accident. I had nowhere near the funds available to fix that kind of damage. I expressed my conundrum to my father who, bless his loving heart, paid for the repairs and tires outright. Happy Birthday from Dad.

I love you Dad!

-The0

Herzeleid

Today I found out some monumental news, for me anyway. My most beloved band, Rammstein, the kings of depraved brutality, are actually coming to the US! One show only, December 11th, New York City, in Madison Square Garden. It's going to be spectacular! Fire and explosions, German metal, and none to soon. It's been nearly a decade since they last visited, and us fans have been chomping at the bit the get them back here in the US. It's a huge deal in the US fan community.

The last time I saw them live was on the Mutter World Tour, at the Pageant on July 12th, 2001. This was my first concert, and it really set the bar for every show I have since attended. I was bombarded with strange images, smells, feelings. Ingenious costumes, complete with lights and flares to fit the opening song of Mein Herz Brennt. I felt what it was like to be crushed against my fellow fan for the closest glimpse I could get to the band. Maniacal acts of pyrotechnics filled the entire auditorium with fear. This particular scene stays branded in my memory forever.

Till had just started the "flaming metal jacket" act, when something went wrong. His leg caught aflame, which made stagehands run out to get the metal garment off of him, before more damage could be done. Flake left and reappeared with a fire extinguisher, which he promptly discharged at Till. He burst into a massive fireball. Over and again Flake kept firing, and the flames grew larger. Before we knew it, Till was curled on the stage, badly burnt and smoldering. Someone behind me shouted "Somebody call 911!" Shaking, Till stands up. His hand reaches up to the bottom of his charred face, and peels a mask upwards and off. Perfectly fine, Till resumes the song.

This kind of showmanship is the most extreme possible statement of a band's art. Madison Square Garden is going to be a landmark in metal history. I couldn't be more excited!

And I can't go.

It's heart-rending. The show takes place the night before the largest event of the year at my place of work. We call in volunteers just to keep up with everything. No one gets this day off. No one. The show would ostensibly end approximately 3 hours before that hell-shift begins. There's no way to get back from New York to St. Louis in that amount of time. Going to this show, this personal world-changing experience, and keeping my job, a partial bane of my existence, are mutually exclusive.

I know it's just a concert, and in these times it's important to be stably employed, but a lot of people misunderstand how important this band is for me. They were my soundtrack to high school. They were there for my first girlfriend, my first breakup, and my first exploration into the real world. They were my first concert ever. This band is as important to me, as the Beatles were to modern music. Yeah, it's like that. I'm not the biggest fan, but I am an active fan. The petitions, fan letters, the records sales, everything paid off; we convinced them that there was just enough of a fan base here in the States to bring them back one last time, and now I can't go.

I have been planning for this for years, and it breaks my heart that I have to make the responsible decision. However, what will be, will be. I am ecstatic that they are coming back, even if it's for one last show. I'm joyful that they remembered us, and that they decided to put in the kind of effort it takes to put on this show. I'm devastated that I can't go, but I'm very happy that some can.

Danke Schön and ROCK ON, Rammstein!!!!

-The0