Smooth move

God Damn motherfucking shit wad piss damn. Smooth as ice. That's usually how I'm able to drive. I'm experienced on nearly every surface. i am the only person I know to spin out in rush hour traffic on 64/40, in a blizzard, with old tires, and drive away with nothing more than a dent in the bumper. I can steer my damn bullet, but I know when to take it slow. This weather merited early braking and slower turns. It's a fun condition in which to drive.

Something was different tonight. As I pulled into a friends driveway, my brakes locked on his icy driveway, at fewer than 5 miles per hour. I sadly found my bumper and his garage doorway kissing a few short moments later. Stupid slick-ass driveway. The door still functions, but it is dented. I'll pay for it, I'm sure, at the very least, his deductible.

Fuck.

-The0

Kind of Numb

I have chosen to be very vague, very short, and very cryptic in this post. Something has gone wrong, and Dr. Girlfriend and I may lose something very dear to us. In the panic, planning, and general shock of it all, I overslept. When asked, I explained what was happening to my boss, and that came off as blaming my failures on the situation. It's not a pretty picture right now.

Goddamnit.

-The0

111110

Today is November 11th. Another binary date, 62 is the base-10 equivalent of this date. I don't really have anything too terribly relevant or impressive to report.

I'll mention something that did happen though. I was at Korenav's birthday LAN party having a moderate blast when a touch of damage came to my computer. A chair got kicked, a dongle was in the way and suddenly, BAM. Tiny blue sparks and a busted USB port. I was advised to get the fucker disconnected from the motherboard as soon as possible, and i spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how to replace the piece.

We were able to find a couple of part that semi fit and would connect, but in the end, I simply decided to order a new part from the manufacturer. It got here just fine, and was a little tricky to install, but here's the thing. The top USB port works fine, and the bottom one almost works. Power flows, and I guess like 3 out of 4 pins are connected, but USB devices will not connect. I think the motherboard actually got slightly damaged in that event. It'll have to be replaced eventually, but the theory is that since I actually registered the product, I may be able to get a free replacement. Yay.

Oh well. I had eight USB port, and now I have seven. Eight is enough, that's why they made a show called that. I'm tired. Signing out.

-The0

Herzeleid

Today I found out some monumental news, for me anyway. My most beloved band, Rammstein, the kings of depraved brutality, are actually coming to the US! One show only, December 11th, New York City, in Madison Square Garden. It's going to be spectacular! Fire and explosions, German metal, and none to soon. It's been nearly a decade since they last visited, and us fans have been chomping at the bit the get them back here in the US. It's a huge deal in the US fan community.

The last time I saw them live was on the Mutter World Tour, at the Pageant on July 12th, 2001. This was my first concert, and it really set the bar for every show I have since attended. I was bombarded with strange images, smells, feelings. Ingenious costumes, complete with lights and flares to fit the opening song of Mein Herz Brennt. I felt what it was like to be crushed against my fellow fan for the closest glimpse I could get to the band. Maniacal acts of pyrotechnics filled the entire auditorium with fear. This particular scene stays branded in my memory forever.

Till had just started the "flaming metal jacket" act, when something went wrong. His leg caught aflame, which made stagehands run out to get the metal garment off of him, before more damage could be done. Flake left and reappeared with a fire extinguisher, which he promptly discharged at Till. He burst into a massive fireball. Over and again Flake kept firing, and the flames grew larger. Before we knew it, Till was curled on the stage, badly burnt and smoldering. Someone behind me shouted "Somebody call 911!" Shaking, Till stands up. His hand reaches up to the bottom of his charred face, and peels a mask upwards and off. Perfectly fine, Till resumes the song.

This kind of showmanship is the most extreme possible statement of a band's art. Madison Square Garden is going to be a landmark in metal history. I couldn't be more excited!

And I can't go.

It's heart-rending. The show takes place the night before the largest event of the year at my place of work. We call in volunteers just to keep up with everything. No one gets this day off. No one. The show would ostensibly end approximately 3 hours before that hell-shift begins. There's no way to get back from New York to St. Louis in that amount of time. Going to this show, this personal world-changing experience, and keeping my job, a partial bane of my existence, are mutually exclusive.

I know it's just a concert, and in these times it's important to be stably employed, but a lot of people misunderstand how important this band is for me. They were my soundtrack to high school. They were there for my first girlfriend, my first breakup, and my first exploration into the real world. They were my first concert ever. This band is as important to me, as the Beatles were to modern music. Yeah, it's like that. I'm not the biggest fan, but I am an active fan. The petitions, fan letters, the records sales, everything paid off; we convinced them that there was just enough of a fan base here in the States to bring them back one last time, and now I can't go.

I have been planning for this for years, and it breaks my heart that I have to make the responsible decision. However, what will be, will be. I am ecstatic that they are coming back, even if it's for one last show. I'm joyful that they remembered us, and that they decided to put in the kind of effort it takes to put on this show. I'm devastated that I can't go, but I'm very happy that some can.

Danke Schön and ROCK ON, Rammstein!!!!

-The0

Lost Highway

I am really good at driving my truck. I've had my share of accidents, but on the whole, I've escaped from more situations than into which I have gotten. Back and forth from work rarely has any occurrences of interest, but life will, of course, occasionally throw you a curveball.

Here's an exmple. I'm cruising down the the left lane, with 2 cars adjacent to me in the right lane. I can't just signal and move over, there isn't enough room between the two cars to do so safely. So I calmly gun the engine, pull very quickly (after an illegally brief signal) in front of the lead car and finish the maneuver with just enough time to calm down as the oncoming car in my lane passes by at at estimated 30 miles an hour. This road can best be described a a 4 lane highway, a big wide road with a 15 foot grass median. It's really kind of hard to get into the wrong lane, let alone the wrong direction. There was a bar nearby, but I really hope that guy wasn't that drunk.

Tonight, I nearly could have died. I've played video games where I've driven on the wrong side of the road, and caused massive damage to multiple virtual parties. But never once have I been so confused as to actually drive on the wrong side of the media. If I ever do that, I have a plan. It involves J-turns, 4 wheel drive, and a a string of expletives.

I love my truck too much to do that, though. Better to just drive sensibly.

-The0

Lunacy

I have many interests, varied and numerous as the fucking stars. They are all very cool, very worthwhile, very appealing interests. The main issue is that I have ADD. These interests wax ridiculous and then, sadly, slowly wane to the periphery. These interests don't cease to be interesting, though. I simply get distracted by another shiny new awesome. Recall my devout interest in robots just over a year ago? I'm able to identify rotor type and purpose, a couple of technical terms, and I can appreciate the effort put into those things. That is all that has come of those hours perusing and researching. It's been happening for a while now, and I'm making certain to recognize it.

The real trouble in all of this is that I think it keeps me from getting farther ahead in life. I get an interest, a will to make something cool happen, and then either interest fades or something new comes up. It's a hell to be able to recognize this kind of pattern, and be next to powerless to stop it. Like someone who has no apparent willpower.

I am going to start working against this. I'm making permanent logs of things I want to do. They call these things "Goals" apparently. A goal that is not written down is but a dream, apparently. So, with my work cut out for me, I need to prioritize, and make daily efforts towards my goals.

I didn't mean to get all preachy just then. It would seem my current goal is to start making goals, to the end of getting my life together.

...Again.

-The0

Can't get it from Radishes, either.

A couple of weeks ago I had my debit card number stolen. I was woken up early on a day off to a call from my bank, asking about several large purchases. I had just gotten paid the night before, but I had not yet deposited the money. Some one, through one of my online transactions, I must assume, had gotten a hold of my card number and tried to make a bunch of, get this, Apple related purchases. I of course denied all of these charges, had the card cancelled, and began a very broke fortnight.

Seriously though, it's clear that these guys have no idea who the people from whom they steal are. This thing got nipped in the bud faster than I can pour a drink after my work day. Sadly, he (assumed gender) had already drained my bank account with purchases related to overpriced electronics. That's where all this beauty lies.

1. You're not going to get blood from a turnip. I had next to nothing to give, and your stupid ass tried to steal everything I had at the bottom on my fiscal cycle. Moron.
2. Really? Apple? REALLY? The only online purchases I made in the first place, from which you could have stolen my card number were were for purchases diametrically OPPOSED to Apple. Someone's got a little problem recognizing patterns, huh? This is risky information, I know, but I don't think you're stupid enough to try this twice.
3. By cancelling the card, refuting the purchases, and sifting through enough tape to get through it, I have completely voided your fraudulent purchases. It takes more effort to overwrite yours, but guess what? Your effort was actually for naught now. You've been cancelled out. How's that feel, weakling?

I'm much more careful with my (well-protected) card now, and all in all, I'm wiser and safer for this experience. Suck and fuck it, slacker!

-The0

Dendro-dander

I fucking hate pollen. Here I am, saving money by opening my window instead of turning on my damn air conditioner. Then here's some beautiful-ass tree outside of my window, spraying pollen all over my room and things. Yellow dust, everywhere.

Now, I realize that I could simply close my windows, turn on my air-conditioner, be happy and quit complaining, but this shit was EVERYWHERE!!! From my keyboard to my TV, a fine gold powder which wasn't gold powder.

It's not like I can get revenge either. I can't reverse the situation, go outside and spray my genetic material all over this tree. It'll be exhausting in the first place, secondly I'll get hurt (probably.) Lastly, well, I'll probably get one of those little blue squares put over my home on an online map.

Why can't we arrest trees for being sexual offenders?

-The0

Treachery on the 7 Seas

Recently, through a very lucky set of conditions, I was able to obtain a version of Windows 7 Professional 64-bit. I am currently running Windows Vista Home Premium 32-bit, and I was actually pretty happy with it. But times, they change, and so must I. I wanted to have the 64-bit capability so that I could expand to more RAM, and be on the curve of 64-bit programming. What I learned may startle you.

YOU CAN'T JUST TRANSFER OVER 32-BIT FILES AND PROGRAMS TO A 64-BIT SYSTEM!!! Who knew?! Not this guy. So here I am, I have cloned my whole full hard drive to one twice its size. The end result I desired was to have a Windows.old folder on my bigger hard drive, not just on my old hard drive. This Windows.old folder would have all my old settings, all my old programs, even all my old music and libraries! I could simply copy and paste those all onto the same drive, and be done with my upgrade. I. Am Stupid.

I went ahead and tried to do most of this. About the only thing that wound out working was transferring my steamapps folder over to the new steam folder. With that setting the precedent, I decided to copy over every program file in it's like program file. Windows 7 64-bit has a special Program Files folder for 32-bit programs. Cramming files like I did messed up a LOT of things. I guess you could say it'd be like trying to cram a Neon onto a V8 engine, even if you get it to friggin' fit, how in the snot will you make it run? Not very well.

So I decided to try and go back and delete these files. This is the most annoying thing about Windows 7. Just because you put a file somewhere, or install a program, doesn't mean that 7 will let you remove it. It's not enough to be the Administrator. You need to have the permission of Trusted Installer. Who the hell is Trusted Installer, and when did he touch my PC?! This probably applies only to direct Windows features though. Still, quite confusing.

The best thing I wound up doing was formatting and starting from scratch. That works well. I'll be careful this time, and copy over My Documents one folder at a time. Then, fresh installs of all my old programs. The most convenient discovery so far is a site called Ninite. It's a site that allows you make one massive download of all the common applications you would want on a new PC or OS. Pretty nifty.

This is going to be a long voyage. All ashore who's going ashore!

-The0

Ornithological Genocide

Thanksgiving has come and gone for another year. It's my Mom's Favorite holiday, and she desires the whole fmaily there on that day. It was a good day. It underlined the many things for which I am thankful. In no order whatsoever, here is an incomplete compendium.

• I am thankful to have my lovely Dr. Girlfriend in my life. She makes the whole fucking "Let's get to the grindstone" lifestyle more than worth it. After the dust settles at the end of the day, she's there, making everything better.
• I am thankful that somehow, in the middle of a wage freeze, my new boss saw fit to push for my raise, which went through. I think it is probably because the new kid they just hired was probably working for more money than me. Whatever. I feel less like an ant than I did before.
• I am thankful for all my friends who continue to show their support to me, and all they ask in return is that I be who I am. What wonderful fun!
• I am thankful for the fact that I, for the time being, have a metabolism that allows me to get away with eating anything I damn well please and not gain an ounce. (Side note: I don't work out enough)
• I am thankful for the fact that my computer can and does act as a space heater in what is certain to be a cold and expensive winter.
• I am thankful that my beloved Rammstein put out another album for us fans. Great stuff.
• I am thankful for the new album and new season of Dethklok and Metalocalypse. Brutal.
• I am thankful for Tim Schafer's Brütal Legend. It's always been this way in my mind, and now I can show others what I've been seeing when listening to the aforemention material.
• I am thankful for all the holiday sales that have made my holiday shopping that much easier on my budget.
• I am thankful of course for the entirity of my family. Who am I without all of you?
• I am thankful that my truck is still hauling ass when I need to do so.
• I am thankful that the band is getting back together.
• I am thankful for the Internet and all its wonders.
• I am thankful for Steam. Period.
• I am thankful for Firearms, Tobacco, and Alcohol.
• I am thankful that I can consider this post finished.

This was a little more arduous than it should have been. Eh. Still not complete. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

-The0

The Usual, Please

Tonight was weird. I spent all day recovering from last night and grocery shopping with a friend, and then when I get home, I notice my beer tastes a little warm. My refrigerator is busted. I noticed this at 7, well before a shift end for the emergency maintenance crew. No one returned a call, no one came. That's just sad. I have food spoiling in an ice-laden chill chest, and the maintenance crew, the management, and everyone in the group to whom I pay my rent are going to drag their feet.

Now this is only a gripe, but goddamn, if I have to pay out the ass for rent and work said ass off just to earn the money, why can't I get someone who is paid to be on call, to come fix this? Nonsense!

If all this food goes bad, I'm dumping it in their office...

-The0

Occupational Safety Hazards.

I am an Idiot. Through lack of foresight, ignorance of good rules, and a general air of supposed invincibility, I got a personal "first" out of the way.

I got stabbed in the hip. 1.5 inches deep, 1 inch long. 6 stitches. I was dismissed early from work, and they foot the medical bill. After a jocular time with my nurses and doctors, I went home to suffer the aftermath of destroyed subcutaneous tissue and light muscle damage. 6 on the 1 to 10 pain scale.

I have been stabbed. There are hazards to every job, and I think I encountered the biggest hazard of my job.

Myself.

-The0

First Post

Well, I broke down and did it. I started a blog. The idea behind this isn't really to be clever or philosophical, but mainly just an outlet for my anger and frustration. I'm going to piss, moan, and rant a lot in this thing, about my ego, my personal and sexual frustration, and against the whole of society. If it were public, I'd probably lose a lot of friends, make enemies and generally piss people off. 

This whole thing comes out of an episode at church. I had finally gotten up in time to go to catholic mass without my father for once. I was proud, I was finally taking my own spirituality into my own hands. My motivations were kind of ulterior though. My dad had sometimes spied this woman there, hotter than hell (ironic in a church, and yes, I have actually spoken to her,) that he wanted me to ask out at some point. I had intended to try and get back into talking to the fairer sex, and though I hadn't spoken to her much, I was going to try the whole "This is really forward, and I'm sorry, but would like to..." approach.

Well, she wasn't there, so I figured I should at least pray like a good little catholic. The sermon angered me. It was essentially about how any use of our bodies that wasn't directly glorifying God (fucking, smoking, drinking, using contraception, etc.) was sinful. Any philosophy or life-view that allowed these actions was sinful and bad too. I felt a lot of the guilt for which the Catholic church is famous, and i just sat there, seething. Right after communion, I made a prayer. It was essentially to the tune of "Lord, please take my anger, and make me a vehicle of your love."

I don't think I've ever been more pissed off leaving a church.