Economic Orgasm

Oh boy! Christmas Shopping!!! It happens again!! I was able to maintain a fund for purchasing gifts, and this time around I have slightly more money to spend on friends and loved ones than I did last year! Dr. Girlfriend has, of course, had the most care taken of her, but there are a few tricky people this year. My father is one. He is stable, has everything he can need, buys what we wants (which is very little), and is deserving of more than a throwaway tie. My only plan is to try and pique at his nostalgia.

A huge portion of my shopping is already done. All I had to do was think of what I thought would be cool to have, and then gift those items to the appropriate friends. This Christmas came mostly from ThinkGeek.com, and I'm taking the Woot approach to the gifting process. You spent nothing, you get something cool. Remember this one sentiment, as a courtesy not only to me, but for all the disappointing gifts you're bound to receive eventually.

If you don't get the crap you want, want the crap you get!

-The0

Always

So like many of my generation, my media affiliation has been totally dominated by [adult swim] (yes, the brackets are necessary. I'm not sorry.) They had recently plugged endlessly a game they created called "Robot Unicorn Attack" with a one-song soundtrack, "Always" by Erasure. Under ANY other circumstance, I would have no damn clue what the hell that song was or where it came from.

I was walking through Lowe's one lovely afternoon with Dr. Girlfriend, when suddenly we paused, mid-selection of items, and we heard this song over the PA. We sang, we laughed, we even danced a minute bit. We thought of the randomness of the moment, and then we went back to selecting furniture pads.

We were struck with the idea that the music was totally out of place in a hardware store. What self-respecting contractor or home repairman would be caught listening to something as purely pop as "Always"? Stereotypes aside, Erasure is out of place anywhere, saving of course a game like Robot Unicorn Attack. I'm not saying I can do better, but if this is the idea of a joke for the one girl that works at Lowe's, then well done!

Living in Harmony, Harmony, oh Love!

-The0

Ridiculously Behind

Have you ever noticed how time seems to go faster when it's the last thing you want/need it to do? For example, you have 12 years worth of work to do, and 15 minutes in which to do it. You sneeze, and then you're late, running behind and doing everything on the fly. I feel like that lately. My weblog is sadly suffering for the time being because of this fact.

They say if you're early to bed, early to rise, it'll make you healthy, wealthy, and wise. Late to sleep, late to wake, makes a man hard to break I think. Harder circumstances has tried to bring me down, and the fact of the matter is I just won't freaking let it. I have too much work to do.

I'm not to proud to turn down help on anything when it's offered. Not anymore. I have very little experience soliciting help though. That stated, well, I'll just follow my usual form and blurt it out.

Following is a small list of projects which with I could use some assistance:

• Zombie Walk, scheduled for October 23rd.
• Reclamation of my living area, sooner than later.
• Destruction of my alcohol collection, as soon as possible.
• Undisclosed dream car project, before oil runs out.
• Instrument practice, whenever possible.
• Video gameage, whenever possible.
• Work tomorrow, Too soon.

Yeah, I may be biting off more than I can chew.

-The0

The Eagle Chicks

As I am quite short on time lately, and tired of being so behind in my writing, I'm cutting the next few entries to short records. I'm more sorry to me than I am to you for this.

I had the rare chance to see The Eagles and The Dixie Chicks live recently. It was a gift from Dr. Girlfriend's awesome family, and circumstance could not have been more against me. I requested the day off roughly 8 weeks in advance, and due to being very suddenly shorthanded at work, not only did I work a double shift the previous day, but I was called in to cover the following day, while still getting that evening off. The idiotically optimistic way to look at this is "At least they are relying on me." More on that in a later post.

I was a zombie for the first hour of the show, which sadly meant that I couldn't really appreciate the Dixie Chicks as well as I should have liked. They had a very good sound for a live performance, but something was off. I later noticed that the singer (Natalie) had shaved off all of her hair. The most popular speculation is that she did it for a Make-A-Wish Foundation girl. Good of her, to give that kind of connection to the kid for the entire tour.

I was never much of an Eagles fan, but it was a very impressive display. I was glad to see talented saxophonists accompanying a classic band as such. Don Henley is apparently the only original component to that band left, or at least the most household-y name of them. They played their old stuff, Hotel California, then their new stuff, which I in no way recognized. They finished with Takin' It Easy, and then the show ended. They were just great on stage. I'm pretty certain I can't be the only one who thought of Bill Nighy's character from Love, Actually when I saw Don Henley. I have a few photos from the event, which I suppose I took for posterity's sake, but they came out well enough. I still got to make the event, and my life is fuller for it.

NEVER miss out on a big event simply because you are fucking exhausted. Buy an energy drink, and you can sleep when you're dead.

-The0

Aeroplane

Well, this is going to be a little fun.

I’m sitting at a near abandoned airport gate, waiting to board the smallest public flight in my life. Faint muzac plays just barely audible over the whir of the air conditoning. It has been so long since I was last in an airport I had forgotten to wear easily removable shoes. Between work, sleep deprivation, and general excitement for this trip, I decided the first thing I had to do once I had found my gate was get some caffeine in me. This was a daunting task, it turned out. They have machines with card readers, but it seems they don’t like to work without a cell connection to their mainframe, I suppose. Undeterred, I went to an ATM, and withdrew a bit of cash. With bills too large to be accepted by the machine, I tried to make change out of a machine which did not want to work with me either. Frustrated, I went to the nearest actual Starbuck's kiosk, expecting them to tell me that my money was no good either. Fortunately, I was able to walk away with a large frappucino.

Waiting for the boarding to occur, I made a single serving friend with a fellow passenger, on his way to pick up a truck. A mystery man sits in the back of the aircraft, and a woman just across from my SSF, presumably a native of my destination, Kirksville, Missouri. We are flying in a six seater dual engine aircraft, a Piper Navajo, model pa31-350. We have leveled off at 8150 feet, flying at a steady 150 knots. The lovely thing is as I stare as these little black keys, we are actually flying low enough to catch glimpses of the earth through the sporadic cloud cover. We must still be closer to St. Louis, because I either just saw some sort of refinery, or the Science Center.

This is a multipurpose trip which happily came together. Barely. My best friend, mentioned in a recent post, has finished his education at AT Stills University. His life is progressing and happily bringing him back to St. Louis, for the time being. I was there to help move him to Kirksville, and now I am en route to help move him back. I’m excited for it. On the way back to StL, we are going to stop through our college town, and of course, see a couple of the important alma mater sights, and coincidentally, the old bike shop. As a gift to my astounding Dr. Girlfriend, I spent some of my recent superfluous overtime earnings on an Electra Boney Finger 3i. Electra is one of the last companies that actually builds a quality cruiser bike in the United States, and it so happens that not only am I a fan of Electra, but my mechanic is a dealer of them (this might be a causal relationship, come to think of it.) As mentioned earlier, I will happily do my business through him for the rest of my life. Hell, if I have enough left by the end of this biking season, I may just purchase another cruiser for myself. They are quite baddass, and pictures will follow. Oh yes, there will be pics.

Hell of a bit of turbulence when you’re in something this size. Not my first time on a small aircraft, just my first time on a small land plane, not a sea plane. Experiences from my trips on those will come later. This trip nearly didn’t happen because I was scheduled to work almost all the way until the wire's edge of timing. I was barely able to get to the airport with time to spare for my check-in. I’m quite glad to be flying. The ticket cost was a fraction of the gas cost, and the transit time just over a third of what it would have been if I had driven. We’re beginning our descent now, after a 50 minute flight, at 175 knots, -650 feet per minute.

If you were bored by reading this, I’m not sorry. I find this exciting as hell. Flying web log post. Started in an airport, written during a flight, and finished on the ground

Quite a respite, a fleeting flight.

-The0

Prince of the Mods

But not like the Scooter-riding, Italian suit-wearing Mods. You see, in spirit of my previous post post, I thought I might divulge my aforementioned compulsion. A spirit of change, the winds of non-conformity!

I have this fluid theory on life. "Nothing is truly yours until you modify it." Modification! Change in order to make something more to your liking. This can be as complex as a total overhaul of your car, as ho-hum as adding a part to your bike, or as simple as changing the settings on your cell phone. So long as you make it better to your liking, it's your thing. Your object, your mirror reflecting who you are to you, and to the rest of the world. It's a conversion to conversation piece from stock NIB item. It's materialistic, but it doesn't have to be.

It can mean modifying one’s self too. Taking effort to change for better or for worse. A workout regimen, a tattoo, or a drug addiction. Whatever moves you forward. I feel like I owe it to myself to undertake the task that makes my life better to my liking. Fluidity, Improvement, Personalization, and Movement. It's like Kung-Fu zen. Or just plain metal. I don't care. No! It's metal. There, that's my stink on the idea.

This philosophy came forth during a period where I was starting to get into bikes and computers. I got my close friends to subscribe to the idea as well. It's come to the point where the only ones who know what's going on with our stuff, is us. Awesome times, to be sure. I make it a point to modify my computer at least every six months (it helps to keep it closer to the cutting-edge, if you will.) My bikes get tweaked monthly. My sax? I tune its springs as they fall out of tune. I do this to pretty much everything.

It seems like a good way to go through life. You'll always be able to find something to do. You'll always be richer for some experience, and if nothing else, well, at least you tried to do something new. It's a lifestyle. Change to your liking. Change to you. Essentially, it's like being yourself, but with an effort-filled, yet subdued way. Comment with questions if you're confused.

-The0

P.S. (reference) The title is only Prince, because Vince Noir is King of the Mods. (/reference)

Zombie Walk!

So, a couple of weeks before Halloween last year, I heard of the concept of a Zombie Walk. It's like a flash mob, only instead of everyone just showing up, everyone shows up as zombies. They lurch about town, stopping traffic and generally making unaware citizens give weird looks.

Having no idea how to coordinate a flash mob, and given that the time frame was so small, I did nothing about my desire to actually participate in one. I perused the web and found that there were couple of really good ones that occurred in St. Louis and a couple of other cities. It sounded fun.

I think the idea of a flash mob is to simply show up with approximately NO warning, thus planning a flash mob is a little counter-intuitive. Nevertheless, I have decided that by the time Halloween rolls around this year, I will have organized and conducted a successful Zombie Walk.

There are a lot of fun variations off of which you can play. People running away, being caught up, horded by zombies and coming up as an infected. You could get zombie hunters, even dress up your dog. We could even try and play up some publicity, maybe litter flyers to a certain charity, or simply raise zombie awareness. There are so many options and things to plan, which is why I've started now.

The tentative date is October 23rd, and we're thinking somewhere in the University City Loop. More details are certain to follow. Here's the Facebook link.

And remember: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINNSS!!!!!

-The0

Saddle Up.

It has been a very nice break for me. I logged just over 90 hours into all my Steam games, and ate pretty well whatever I wanted. I stayed up late, I slept in. I saved the universe, only to doom it to total fascism. I melted about a hundred faces off with a face-melting solo, and I got my foot mostly all better. I hang out for extended periods with my favorite people, and had a few drinks almost every day. A great way to start the new year.

I made ZERO dollars during this little vacation.

Despite this I still went out. Dr. Girlfriend treated me to Eddie Izzard. A good show, and I still always laugh at his skits. Many friends were at that show, and we ended up at a nearby cordials bar. A cute place. This is all in faded memory.

After such a long pause I am surprised I have this much to say. More disasters are in the works, but suffice it to say, I just don't care to write right now. Suck it up.

It's not gold, but it's a start. There are some events that deserve their own separate posts. Important ones. Revealing ones. Ones that would probably be better off not written out, but that's not my style.

-The0

Ornithological Genocide

Thanksgiving has come and gone for another year. It's my Mom's Favorite holiday, and she desires the whole fmaily there on that day. It was a good day. It underlined the many things for which I am thankful. In no order whatsoever, here is an incomplete compendium.

• I am thankful to have my lovely Dr. Girlfriend in my life. She makes the whole fucking "Let's get to the grindstone" lifestyle more than worth it. After the dust settles at the end of the day, she's there, making everything better.
• I am thankful that somehow, in the middle of a wage freeze, my new boss saw fit to push for my raise, which went through. I think it is probably because the new kid they just hired was probably working for more money than me. Whatever. I feel less like an ant than I did before.
• I am thankful for all my friends who continue to show their support to me, and all they ask in return is that I be who I am. What wonderful fun!
• I am thankful for the fact that I, for the time being, have a metabolism that allows me to get away with eating anything I damn well please and not gain an ounce. (Side note: I don't work out enough)
• I am thankful for the fact that my computer can and does act as a space heater in what is certain to be a cold and expensive winter.
• I am thankful that my beloved Rammstein put out another album for us fans. Great stuff.
• I am thankful for the new album and new season of Dethklok and Metalocalypse. Brutal.
• I am thankful for Tim Schafer's Brütal Legend. It's always been this way in my mind, and now I can show others what I've been seeing when listening to the aforemention material.
• I am thankful for all the holiday sales that have made my holiday shopping that much easier on my budget.
• I am thankful of course for the entirity of my family. Who am I without all of you?
• I am thankful that my truck is still hauling ass when I need to do so.
• I am thankful that the band is getting back together.
• I am thankful for the Internet and all its wonders.
• I am thankful for Steam. Period.
• I am thankful for Firearms, Tobacco, and Alcohol.
• I am thankful that I can consider this post finished.

This was a little more arduous than it should have been. Eh. Still not complete. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

-The0

It's not the Zombies that kill you...

So, like the rest of the Steam-nation, I am right now sitting here, waiting for Left 4 Dead 2 to release. I preloaded everything, it just needs to be told to "Go." A bit like me, actually. A little disappointing, but not unexpected. I'm certain it will be out before the sun comes up again.

And verily it is! A decryption ensues this sentence. Not to do a stream-of-consciousness post, but this is going to be exciting. I was going to shoot for a "Well isn't that the way it goes?" post, but now it looks like a pre-game excitement post in in order.

L4D2 is looking to be huge. New Special Infected, 5 campaigns out of the box, and new gameplay modes. This is going to be a nice long couple of days off. A review in my hackneyed style is going to be in the works, be assured.

And now, I have been made aware of a Woot-Off!!! I'm not sure if that should be capitalized or not, but it's a significant enough occurrence to break my train of thought. Maybe this time around, I'll be able to snag a couple of items, and stock some holiday gifts for friends.

The waiting is over. Now let's see if the zombies can kill me.

-The0

Impulse 101: Lessons in Self-Control

A thought occurred while I was supposed to be working tonight, one about which I've actually already thought. Access to cheat codes for games is far too easy. You look them up in the strategy guide, you find them on GameFAQs, and all of a sudden the game becomes a pointless delve into violence, a timesink. The difficulty, the fear, the thinking, it all vanishes. You know what it is to be like Dr. Manhattan.

Now granted, I spent the first half of my gaming life doing precisely that. When I got Quake installed on my first PC, I played for about 5 minutes before I decided to cheat and hack it. I was God in a brightly lit dungeon, with ammo being the farthest concern from my mind. In retrospect, this revolutionary game was slighted by my laziness and bloodlust. Game programmers put a LOT of work into making games challenging, and that challenge is what makes the game fun, not necessarily the slaughter. To just mindlessly kill things via cheats is to voluntarily vote against thinking, as far as I am concerned.

However, it somewhat begs the question, why even include the cheats in the first place? It's beyond me, but it's still very fun to play with them. To run amuck and just turn enemies into red paste is a grand stress reliever, and slightly less sociopathic than shooting real people. It's an escape to an alternate world anyway, why should I have to be bound by its rules too?

My final thought is, at what point should you consider using cheats? At what point is it fair to you and the game designers to start playing around? Where have you explored all that needs to be explored, and had time to enjoy and embrace all the subtleties of their work, their sold gift? I think it's either after you've played through the entire story on hard mode, or at least twice on regular. Then, feel free to hack, cheat, and rob the AI of their opportunity to make you feel weak and outsmart you.

4 days until L4D2, everyone! Happy gaming!

-The0

Happy birthday to me!!

Yeah Buddy! I did it. I made it another year. I am 26 years old, and somehow I managed to do it without any major crap-ups.

I would like to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Those of you who wrote on my Facebook wall will find that I thanked you all personally with a response wall post. I'm old school like that. I started on Facebook back when you needed a verified college email address to be on it. Your wall posts were kind of like how popular and well liked by your friends you are. So every wall shout was like someone thinking of you and actually saying hello, or Happy Birthday. It was like a step away from actually calling you up. So nowadays, people make a catch-all status remark like, "Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!" Not me. I'll thank you all individually. It's the proper thing to do.

I got a veritable plethora of gifts from all those who were able to afford it, and let me say once again, it wasn't necessary, but thank you once again. All you mugs are great! And those that couldn't are actually just as thanked. It's great to simply hear from you all and to know that I'm loved.

My warranty on me isn't void yet, so let's get another year in. Thank you all!!!

-The0

Nein, Es ist Gut!!!

So I saw 9 with the Dr. Girlfriend, and I have to say, it was worth the cash in my opinion. There was a lot of hype, and while it pays off on most of it, I suppose I was looking for a little bit more out of it.

The movie was a quick show, at about 75 minutes. Nearly the whole thing is action, and well played at that. There was just enough exposition to keep you quiet during the film, and the colors kept my 2-year-old attention span spellbound the entire time.

I really enjoyed the environment they created for this movie as well. It had an air of World War II America, with '40's styled cars and white picket fences. Granted, everyone's dead, but I very much felt like it was Nightmare on Tranquility Lane.

Something I was looking for was a bit more of a character from Crispin Glover. Granted, he usually plays an odd character, but it was hard to build when few of his lines consisted of more than 20 words. I liked him in BTTF, of course, and he was astounding in Willard. I just wish we could've gotten more than just 6-is-our-resident-freakshow.

Lastly, a cool theme was the implied Science versus Spirituality battle. Although, I am beginning to get sick of the idea that the instant humanity finally develops AI, we're fucked. And to the other end of that argument, I know for a fact I don't want to run around as a sock puppet after the Armageddon.

Go see 9. In the theaters. It's worth the price of your ticket, I promise.

-The0

I'm missing Law and Order for this?

Another week down, but this one is special. Yesterday marked the end of my schooling. It's over. Finé. I have to try and enter the real world again. Rent is still a bitch, and the bills are of course not working in my favor. But what else is new? That will actually be answered in an update post, coming soon to a monitor near you!

What's really new for me is right now I'm sequestered in a jury room. I've kind of wanted to be a juror ever since I really started enjoying Harvey Birdman. None of my family members have ever been to jury duty before, and none of my friends have either. the only person I know that has sat on a jury is the manager at my place of work (the one whom I'm convinced is trying to find a reason to get rid of me.) This post is to serve as a warning and a lesson as to what to expect.

This isn't my first time being summoned to jury duty, this is just the first time I've been able to make it there. School has always been a priority to me over the justice system, and let me tell you, if you have any reason you can't make it in, you need to send them that letter they give you as soon as possible. Otherwise they will just keep summoning you. That gets annoying. They also may send out a warrant after you. That’s worse.

* * *

And we're back from lunch. The worst part of this so far has been dealing with parking. I found the courthouse just in time, and spent approximately 20 minutes trying to find a parking place. I ended up initially parking at an expired meter to try and get there on time, and ask them where on earth to park. For anyone who gets summoned in St. Louis, you park next to the MetroLink Station at Shaw and Meramec. You also want to make sure you have your summons with you; it’s needed in order to be checked in and logged. Don’t have too many things in your pockets, you’ll have to take them out for the metal detector and x-ray check. This is almost as bad as going through airport security. Come to think of it, this is a lot like the airport. You hurry up to get here and wait, you go through a series of metal detectors and security checks, and then you sit in your waiting room like a terminal.

Anyway, It’s pretty cool so far. It’s usually a two day affair, though it can last as little as 1.5 days to however long your case lasts, should you get selected to serve on one. It’s a big tall room, and it has a good few amenities included. There are snack machines, soda and coffee machines, a magazine rack (complete with outdated issues of Time,) and a couple of televisions (one of them is tuned to The View. How am I supposed to be an unbiased juror with the definition of daytime dreck television showing to a room full of the fairer sex?) The best feature is this little separate work area. A number of chairs and desks are next to a window overlooking central St. Louis County.

Out of a last minute thought, I had decided to grab my laptop, which remained in my truck until the 90 minute lunch break. You’d assume with the “hush hush” nature of juries and cases and such, any connection to the outside world would be forbidden. The joke is on me though, and in an ironic way. There is next to no internet connectivity in this room. There is no wireless, and though there are Cat5 data ports all over the room, none of them connect anywhere. The 56k modem lines connect to the outside world, and that used to be this laptop’s primary connection to the internet. I grabbed a Cat5 cable before I left, but no phone cable. The lesson learned is that I either A) need a newer, more modern laptop (I’m looking at an Asus model or two, simply because I’m a fanboy, or something from CyberPower, for the same reason) so that I can go mobile broadband and call myself a disciple of the internet, or B) need to not call myself a disciple of the internet. I should have grabbed the Vonnegut that Kurt has lent me. I’ll bring that tomorrow.

Other observations: In stark contrast to The View, there is a very lively forum going on in an alcove next to the workstations. The subjects have ranged seamlessly from the housing market, to the current presidency, a religious history and philosophy discourse, and now they’re talking about foreign policy. My goodness, I’m lurking in real life! I’m glad that I’m still learning. I should probably go over there and see if I can contribute anything, but to be perfectly honest, I’m scared. My opinions aren’t very strong except for a couple of subjects, and they’re pretty taboo. I guess I’m afraid of turning out to be incorrect or wrong, and without my beloved Google, Wikipedia, and Fark quickly available, I don’t really feel like I have the moxie or facts available to be a good debater or contributor in an actual, intellectual forum. Case in point: I’m rambling. Oh well, maybe next time.

My number still has not been called, and it’s just over a half hour to closing time. If I don’t get put on a case, I should hope I get summoned again so that I can actually sit in, and learn how a case works, see how attorneys act, and what it’s like to actually deliberate. Here’s hoping to that.

My final note is that I have finally come across a couple of subjects about which I would like to write, e.g. updates, thoughts, observations, and a couple of obscure memories which I am trying to confirm actually existed. Adieu until next time!

Where's Judith Harris and Freud's kid when you need him/her?

I never thought a hiatus would be something to which I wasn't looking forward. I have been very busy these last couple of weeks, and I also haven't had much about which to type. But now I'm back, for the time being. My date went very well, we even had a second date but a week later. Also went very well. We went to see Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at the Repertory Theatre of St. Louis. I didn't get to reflect on it very much with my date, but I did have some musings about it upon which I wanted to get opinions. Hiatus Over. Starting now.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a show mostly about two men in one man's body. The upstanding, intelligent, restrained pillar of the community Dr. Henry Jekyll, and the depraved, crude, ultimately hated but happy and free Mr. Edward Hyde. Throughout the story, Dr. Jekyll is trying to resist the urge to consume this tincture that he made which brings out Mr. Hyde, which is later alluded to being an addiction. Murders are committed, the two sides argue within the same head, and Dr. Jekyll kills himself. The last lines of the show are something to the order of "I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that I was a good man, and everybody loved me and looked up to me. I was the perfect gentleman. And I was so unhappy." These lines are spoken by Mr. Hyde.

There are of course several themes here which all fall under something of the same umbrella. During the show, the nature vs. nurture argument is resolved, if only for story purposes. Dr. Jekyll denies that upbringing has anything to do with it, and that that are definitely "two streams of the mind." One which is all desire and hurtful, and one which brings ultimate peace to the soul. His works were to isolate these and remove the bad. His response to the proposal of the opposite occurring, the good being removed leaving only the bad, was that if it were possible, why would anyone want to have anything but peace? To me, it would seem that such an ideal would be synonymous with self-restraint and denial, as he admitted in his other character that he enjoyed beating up streetwalkers and the refined, and happy "to pay for the privilege." While Dr. Jekyll, the man was cold, calculated, unhappy, single, yet compassionate to his fellow man. It's a tough argument, really. With only two options, I don't think I can in good conscience say I would choose lonely inner peace over happy mirth and mayhem.

Another theme which can easily be brought up is Freud's structural model of the psyche. That's right, the id, ego, and superego. These streams of consciousness alluded to in the previous paragraph are a good representation of the superego and the id. I would love to say that before the good doctor started drinking those potions of his, he was a picture perfect example of the balanced Ego. Striving for perfection while still finding time to give into his basest drives. These of course manifest themselves as the superego Dr. Jekyll and our id-man Mr. Hyde after he starts drinking the tincture. This can bring in a question regarding the way our society views good and evil. Mr. Hyde is constantly demonized in the play, and Dr. Jekyll conversely is practically deified. Is it truly evil just to satisfied all your deepest desires, with no concern for society or other? Is it really saintly to set aside your life for the betterment of society? It's a good question, but all the same, I'm glad to have just a slightly imbalanced ego in me, for the time being.

Other questions raised during the show were, "Where does the body end, and the mind/soul begin?" "What prompts our morbid fascinations?" Walter (a link to his weblog, not the fact at hand) has told me there have been discoveries in human nerves where doctors and scientists cannot distinguish the nerves from electrochemical processes (or something.) I'll have to ask him and edit this post regarding that. To the second question, my date (who shall remain nameless to protect her reputation) believes that there is a real thing to our maleficent fascinations. Have you ever been stuck in traffic, cursing and and oathing against the rubberneckers, only to find yourself gawking at the ghastly scene? Nothing like seeing a Cobalt turned into a Pringle to make you realize that your speedometer should match those signs on the side of the road. Is that the answer? Are we trying to learn from the failings of others? Or are we trying to satisfy a bloodlust while thinking "Better him than me"?

I would highly recommend this play. It had a very unique set, somewhat minimalistic in it's design. Blood on the ground was cleverly represented by red lights underneath the stage. Hyde's multiple streams of thought were all voiced by other actors lining up behind him. A very entertaining show, for both the morbidly obsessed and the well to do.

-The0

I hope I'm not Ethically Biased

I had the strangest thing occur today. I got off of work (which I am truly beginning to loathe, between managers, quality of product, and overall wage), and I went and did my job at a friend house, only to a degree that I enjoyed. I found pleasure in doing what I do. And what was stranger was the fact that my enthusiasm may have been infectious. I was able to get everyone present excited in the project at hand, and the end result came faster than we all expected, and wound out better than we were hoping. It was a good evening.

Now, my question on this whole course of events is, “Why don’t I feel this way at work?” What keeps me from channeling my enthusiasm and creativity into my job? I choose to blame those that have established themselves before me. I’m not going to blame them for working in the field longer than I have, that would be immature and “hot headed” for lack of a better expression. To go against anything that the tenured workers have to say might as well be asking if I could violently fuck his or her mother. Thus, any use of materials or additions that might be consider that might be considered fresh, new, entertaining, or creative, get stifled and belittled by my co-workers and managers. So, I feel like if I’m doing anything a bit unorthodox, it will get belittled and thrown back at me. It’s not like I’m trying to sell this, but with my performance, leadership, and results at my friend’s house, I easily could.

But maybe it goes deeper than that. I am beginning to think that I’m forever going to be that guy that shows up to work not wanting to be there. I'll be the guy that doesn’t believe in the product simply because he’s dissatisfied with his experience of making the product.

So, after a bit of thought, the solution presents itself. In order to move forward, I have to put my nose to this dissatisfactory grindstone and pump out the best possible product I can, sub-par though it may be. Once I happen to do that, if I remain unrecognized for it, I begin searching for a place of employment. I hope this can come to fruition, I don’t have long, I’m nearly certain the general manager has it out for me.

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This post is dedicated to my mother (who continues to be there for me) and father (who for some reason continues to believe in me, and bails me out time and again when I fuck up.) I love you both with all my heart.

-The0