Why the Hell not?

So I'm sitting here, knowing that it's about that time to make a new weblog post, and I haven't the slightest idea about what to write. I'm dressed, well fed, and slightly overhung. It's a good thing. However, while I had budgeted some time to sit here and think about it, I have this very moment been called into work early. So, off I go. I'll have something after my shift, I hope.

In short, To Be Continued...

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And We're Back!

Well, recent occurrences have prompted me to turn this into an "Update" post. I was working along tonight, minding my own business, when an unexpected text message arrived. To make a short story shorter, I have a date tomorrow night. The lovely eHarmony match and I have decided we shall meet. Joy. I haven't been on a proper date in years, but the timing is somewhat serendipitous.

On my last day off, Tuesday, I enlisted the help of my brother and turned my life into something different. The clutter in my apartment is gone, and my bills are relatively under control. I found out that there is indeed carpet in my bedroom. There are also counter tops in my kitchen. I got a haircut, and I look, feel, and live like a whole new me. I am really glad that this is happening now.

Speaking of now, Now onto concerns. I am not the best person I can be yet. I am currently in search for a second job, whereas my date is about six weeks from being called Doctor. She is a smart vet. I am an angry philosophical worker ant, not yet even capable of self-sustaining. However, to my advantage, I am smart. I have a bachelor's degree in two fields (albeit the same essential field of social science) which I hope to continue some day, and an associate's in another. I am a jack of many trades, and a damn charming person when I try. Please pardon the ego trip. To sum, I fear I'm not in her league, but with a bit of personal work, I could be, and wind up a better person nonetheless.

Second concern, maintaining the new me. I have a bad pattern for getting a new set of skills, objectives, or resolutions, sticking with them for just long enough, and slacking. I'm going to have to actually maintain this new set, because I actually believe that this is a better state than what I lived in before. I will lose the drive eventually, and wind up slacking again. The key is in recognizing the pattern and working against it at a key point (or points.) If more people could do that, many problems and crises would be avoided in my opinion. So, my first defense is telling people that I am going to maintain this new nose-to-to-the-grindstone-and-up-for-a-beer lifestyle. It's like telling people that you're quitting smoking (also incidentally true.) I guess that telling people means that they'll help keep an eye on you, so that they can tell you when you're slipping. You also have to keep up your resolution to them, or risk looking like a tool. There must be other facets to the idea of society helping someone keep their resolve, but fatigue, among other things is keeping me from assuaging the need to think on it longer.

This is all date anxiety, I'm sure. Wish me Luck!

-The0

People I wish I could meet

While a healthy debate rages on between Baldercrap! and Kurtharsis, I have decided to steer clear of anything important or sensible, and instead pollute the Internet with another list of unhealthy sentiments. What follows is a small compendium of the characters that I would like to meet. The ability to pick these guys brains, to better understand their assumed philosophy, and to find out what sent them cracking would be a fun little trip, I'm certain. Without much further ado, here we go. These are in no particular order, but they are all awesome.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter

I have always been a fan of the Dr. Lecter series, and not just simply out of epicurean curiosity. Even between his ruinous childhood, a very telling adolescence, and a very well defined set of opinions on how humans should interact and respect each other, I still can't fathom how it became right in his mind to twist people into dishes. The murder and punishment stuff, I get. Killing a flautist and improving the the orchestra by removing the weakest member? Darwin-esque, to say the least. Serving and eating him? Creepy, yet there has got to be a way in which it makes perfect logical sense, at least to him. I'd ask about that, among MANY other things.

The Joker

Yes, I'm well aware that he's a very popular villain right now, what with Ledger's posthumous award and society latching onto whatever he does simpy out of his former sex appeal. And I'll also admit, I never actually took the time to do the character research like Ledger did. I've never even fully read a Batman comic book. But the scene where The Joker is corrupting Harvey Dent, and where he's explaining to Batman his philosophy make it obvious, he's not just a criminal. The Joker took being homocidally insane and raised it to an art form. Beautiful the way the world burns, isn't it? If I were going to interview him though, I'd definitely want some sort of mental protection. He seems the kind of guy that gets into your head and starts throwing shuriken.

Millions Knives

This is a very obscure one, and not even as (quasi-)justified as the other ones mentioned so far, but no anime is complete without a supervillain. Knives is the brother of our gun-wielding hero Vash, who are both some super advanced form of human. Regular humanity depends on their powers to survive and thrive. Vash's ideology is to separate prey from predators, so as to save them both, illustrated when he tries to release a butterfly from a spider's web. His brother reaches in and crushes the spider. Logic behind this? If you're going to save the butterfly, the spider starves and dies anyway. So, later in life, Knives starts destroying humanity in order to save the butterflies that he, his brother, and the others like them are. Humanity is one big hungry spider? Sounds accurate enough. I'm probably better not talking to this one, he'd just shoot me and get it over with, since I'm going to die anyway.

Darth Vader

It's clear that despite how poorly the character was built, it is canon, and the story is there. (On a side note, C-3PO should have been directing. We saw that he was a baddass storyteller in Return of the Jedi.) His character is evil and hateful out of emotional pain. He tried so hard to prevent everything from going to shit, and in the end he still lost everything dear to him. Does he go home and emo it up? Nope. Instead, Alderaan. Enough said.

Michael "Schwartzwald" Seebach

Another obscure one, but I like it just as much because he can be seen as a bastion of my crusade. This journalist uncovered a massive conspiracy in the city in which he lived. The corporation responsible for the conspiracy tries to have him killed. This tempers him, and he goes on a mission of trying to "wake up" the public, to get them to open their eyes and see. In addition to this, somehow or another giant robots are involved. Anyone so obsessed with trying to get people to wake up and embrace knowledge that he goes insane is a winner in my book. A fun little video of his magnum opus speech can be seen here. A lot of the information is out of context, but it's still very stirring. "Is it a crime to try and learn the truth?" "Wake up! Don't be afraid of knowledge!" Perfect lines for the embattled intellectual.

Light "Kira" Yagami

As long as I'm on an anime tear, I might as well include the [adult swim] community's favorite, self-righteous killing machine. Light Yagami, the smartest student in all of Japan, happens upon a notebook in which if you write a person's name with his or her face in mind, they will die exactly as you wish. After some moral squabbling, he sets to purge the world of evil and criminals. As the most intelligent and most forward thinking (at least as the series puts him) he removes people with a swift and judicious pen. I'd love to see what I could learn from him, and ask him how much more progressive/regressive could a world without criminals be? Where do morals actually come into question? Is it merely all dictated by law? What dictates the law? I'm certain he would have a beautifully cold answer to all of these.

And lastly, just to refocus...

Me, when I finally snap.

I'm certain I'll have an entire crazed manifesto as to why and how I'll do it all if I don't wind up straightening my head.

Not really, I kid, I kid. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a physical two-sided conversation with youself though? Would it be the most interesting conversation ever? Or would it be perfectly silent? That'd be cool to try.

Well, that's it for now. Have any of your own, or do you simply want to say I'm wrong? You know where to go. Somewhere else.

Naw, I'm kidding. Put it in the comments section.

-The0

Edit: 03/16/2009

After considering the suggestion of one of my readers, I have added pictures of these crazed superstars (plus the dude I have chosen as my avatar.) I do not own the rights to any of these pictures, they are all owned by their respective companies. That's right, I stole them. Enjoy!

I hope I'm not Ethically Biased

I had the strangest thing occur today. I got off of work (which I am truly beginning to loathe, between managers, quality of product, and overall wage), and I went and did my job at a friend house, only to a degree that I enjoyed. I found pleasure in doing what I do. And what was stranger was the fact that my enthusiasm may have been infectious. I was able to get everyone present excited in the project at hand, and the end result came faster than we all expected, and wound out better than we were hoping. It was a good evening.

Now, my question on this whole course of events is, “Why don’t I feel this way at work?” What keeps me from channeling my enthusiasm and creativity into my job? I choose to blame those that have established themselves before me. I’m not going to blame them for working in the field longer than I have, that would be immature and “hot headed” for lack of a better expression. To go against anything that the tenured workers have to say might as well be asking if I could violently fuck his or her mother. Thus, any use of materials or additions that might be consider that might be considered fresh, new, entertaining, or creative, get stifled and belittled by my co-workers and managers. So, I feel like if I’m doing anything a bit unorthodox, it will get belittled and thrown back at me. It’s not like I’m trying to sell this, but with my performance, leadership, and results at my friend’s house, I easily could.

But maybe it goes deeper than that. I am beginning to think that I’m forever going to be that guy that shows up to work not wanting to be there. I'll be the guy that doesn’t believe in the product simply because he’s dissatisfied with his experience of making the product.

So, after a bit of thought, the solution presents itself. In order to move forward, I have to put my nose to this dissatisfactory grindstone and pump out the best possible product I can, sub-par though it may be. Once I happen to do that, if I remain unrecognized for it, I begin searching for a place of employment. I hope this can come to fruition, I don’t have long, I’m nearly certain the general manager has it out for me.

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This post is dedicated to my mother (who continues to be there for me) and father (who for some reason continues to believe in me, and bails me out time and again when I fuck up.) I love you both with all my heart.

-The0

Apologies, It's technically my 2nd post.

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-The0

Deus Ex Kayceedee

It’s been a good week for me, relatively speaking anyway. Now don’t get me wrong, bills still suck and I’ve been exhausted all week, but I’ve had a number of great experiences that I plan to share with you. Followers of XKCD will nitpick me, and people who have no clue what it is will have a hint at how to learn and follow this glorious mindset.

The most exciting one comes first. In my eHarmony profile it says “I’m kind of looking for an XKCD girl,” which can be kind of vague, not to mention esoteric. That’s the beauty of it though. According to the way XKCD followers work, and indeed, as the rest of the techno-savvy world works, if you don’t know what XKCD is, you’re not an XKCD girl. The glory of this little diatribe is, Miss eHarmony Match did not know precisely what XKCD is or means. Does she give up and ask me about what the hell I was talking? No, no she did not. She googled it. She doesn’t even know that what she did there, perfectly qualifies her. I really hope I can win this time around. It’s been harrowing, and a hot nerdette is hard to come by.

Then there’s the second achievement this week. It can define the movement of the techno-savvy as well the self-motivated person who won’t let financial or technical restrictions stand in the way of what he wants. I was chatting with a friend who informed me several times during the chat of what she was doing at the time. These all involved different locations of a house or apartment. I was confused, and then she explained that she was on a wireless laptop. It made me jealous. I wanted to be able to type in bed, or look up recipes in my kitchen. I used to be a die-hard laptop user, but tides changed. I can’t remember why, but I’m positive it had something to do with gaming. My last laptop was purchased for me in 2000 as a reward for good academic performance. It was shuffled around family hands for a bit, and it was my college laptop from 2003 to its death in 2005 from unknown complications. It sat dead and awaiting parting in various boxes until a couple weeks ago, where I had this conversation with my friend. I wanted a laptop again. I disassembled the laptop in a last ditch effort, and located the problem, a destroyed power jack. Though a network of great friends, not only did it get repaired, but rebuilt and upgraded. I type tonight on a 9-year-old resurrected laptop. Total cost to me on this project? $0. That’s living the life in my book.

My cell phone also ceased to operate this week. I was cut off from my constant texts, emails, and my link to my electronic dharma. It really made me realize just how connected I felt to my small egocentric world and how lost I felt without my material trappings. My mother and I went to see how to get it working again, and found out that it would be an asinine amount of money to replace my phone (side note, everyone should check with their extended warranty or insurance provider on their cellular phone. I was apparently dropped the instant I got my last replacement.) We decided that was just wrong, and to search for parts online. We went and bought a cheap little Nokia to act as a “spare tire” that could be used by the family lines should anyone else’s phone break. I eventually learned that what kept me from fixing the phone myself was that I was simply doing my hard reset incorrectly, and I reset my phone. I did lose all my data though. Numerous text sessions from special people, phone numbers, recipe notes and addresses, all lost. The bittersweet lesson is that now though I have my window to my world repaired, I have lost my view. If you’re going to collect data, back it up, daily.

So, the week in summation. I like this girl a lot and I really hope she really reciprocates, because she’s my kind of people. I have built from ashes a new window to my electric nirvana. I have suffered information withdrawal, and I have learned the hard lesson that if you’re going to be the self-motivated information seeker with an unquenchable thirst for new technical, scientific and practical knowledge, do be certain to have multiple copies of it, aye? Live, learn, and love, ladies and gentleman!

-The0