Old computers are called OLD for a reason

My parents have finally decided to get rid of the computer that has been haunting the kitchen since 2002. This thing is so old that new RAM for it costs more than new RAM for YOUR computer. Remember ENIAC? ENIAC should remember this thing. My older brother was trying to get the processor off of the heat sink (so as to put a new one on there) today and somehow or another, he was lacerated very badly on his finger. 5 stitches. It took injury to convince my parents to buy a new machine. Thank god.

Now, I love and respect my parents very dearly, but their computer has not progressed with them and their needs. I'm happy that my older brother (who taught me most of what I know about computers) will be there to help them in their purchase of a new machine. As a way to help illustrate how long they stuck it out with this computer, and in the ghost of Duke Nukem Forever, here is a small list of things that are younger than this electronic abomination.

• The Invasion of Afghanistan
• The lake behind the Three Gorges Dam
• Martha Stewart's insider trading fiasco
• The Beltway Sniper attacks
• The Euro (technically speaking)
• My social life, thanks to that very computer

It's been fun, it's been real. It's been real fun, Kitchen computer. Happy retirement, you murderous box.

-The0